I weighed myself again this morning (which I probably shouldn't have done - am trying not to weigh every day). 142.6 lbs.

All I know is that this urge to lose weight is bugging me. It's niggling at me in the back of my head. It's always there. And all of this makes me think that me, sitting here, writing about recovery and trying to move away from the eating disorder, is all bullshit. If I'm still having exactly the same thought processes as before, and wanting exactly the same things for exactly the same reasons, then maybe this isn't recovery. Maybe I'm just simply... eating more.

I don't know.