164.4 as of this morning. I've chosen to stay in London until Sunday, which part of me regrets, but I don't feel ready to go back quite yet. Had a row with my mother, which made me feel like shit, but a walk did me some good. I need to start exercising properly. As soon as I get back to university, which will be Sunday evening, I'm getting my shit in order. Bought some new bedsheets, a record player, decanter, martini glasses and a rug. I'm trying to make the best of my situation.

Technically, it's only 12 lbs (5.4 kgs) until I get back to where I was this time last year. That doesn't sound all that bad, but I'm cynical. I don't know if I have the will to lose 12 lbs this term, although it's reassuring to know that it's the sort of amount of weight 'normal' people try to drop.

1290 calories so far, although I can't trust myself not to eat the other half of that bagel. It's calling my name from the kitchen.

I got an interview to study abroad next year, at an Ivy League university, although I'm fairly convinced I won't get it, given who I'm probably up against. My mother hates the idea, my father's thrilled. I guess I've been thinking that if I don't get it, I might apply to live on campus again next year. I miss the vibe of being in a flat of twelve people and coming home to other students every day. I feel very isolated off-campus, and the twenty minute uphill walk to the library is such a huge deterrent. I know I should just stop being so fucking lazy, but still, I miss being on a campus and feeling like an actual student. I miss the security of knowing everything is included, not having to worry about bills or laundry or running to a lecture or any of those fine details that just generally cause stress. In general, as you may have gathered, I don't deal very well with stress.

On the subject of stress, I've been having 'relationship problems'. Isn't that what normal people say? 'We're having problems'. I don't know how to articulate it all right now. I miss her, though I don't know what that means. Maybe it just means that I miss how I was at the start of last year, when we first got together. Maybe it means nothing, maybe it's all just nostalgia. I'm figuring it out.