A vegetarian's kryptonite...

My sister's cooking sweet and sour chicken downstairs, and I can smell it from my room. I swear to God, if I wasn't a vegetarian, I'd be all over that like a mo-fo.

Right well I'm just going to come out and say it. I had the most depressing morning ever. Yes, I say this sort of thing all the time. But I have hit an all. time. low. with my weight, and not a good 'low'. I weighed in at 157 freaking pounds. Okay, so admittedly I stepped on the scales early (8am), after a bad night's sleep (5hrs) because I had to wake up for a doctor's appointment.

The problem is, I've been exercising like a bitch on speed for the last few days, I'm talking kickboxing at my gym, biking, treadmill, all of that stuff. And I think because my metabolism sped up slightly, I compensated by eating more. Exercise makes you hungrier - that's a well-known fact - the point is you're supposed to eat your post-workout snack, then STOP until it's dinner time. My problem? I just keep on going. Bread. Lots of bread. And cheese. The two evils of this universe.

While I'm proud of myself that I've actually got my ass in gear after so long being a dormant lump, my recent weight gain is making me completely re-consider the benefits of exercise. So we all know working out is good for you. But is that all worth it, if I just end up gaining a pound a day doing it?! I want to keep going to the gym - I know it's good for me - but the problem is my diet, and the way I over-compensate with food when I'm tired, hungry, or bored.

I have a month until I go back to the States, and I refuse to have another awful, awful experience with my self-esteem like last time. Last time was a clothing debacle. I tried on every outfit in my suitcase at least twice over EVERY morning just to find something that didn't make me look fat. And I'm heavier now than I was back then.

I'm eating minimally from now on - or at least until the 25th of June. Healthy eating is obviously great if you can control yourself with proper portions at meal times. I don't stick to set meals, I graze all through the day and by 10pm I'll realise I've consumed up to 2,000 calories unwittingly... when I thought it was more like 1,200. Evidently, my body won't lose weight on 1,000+, so I need to step it up a notch, get my weight back down to a 'safe' zone that I feel comfortable with, and stop trying to make myself feel better with late-night crackers and hoummous.

Something helpful is that I'm broke again, which may be a blessing in disguise - because this way, I can't afford Starbucks (milky fatty goodness), cigarettes (cancer-inducing shit sticks) or things to binge on (calories ahoy). This way, I'm buying what I need, surviving on less and fingers crossed losing weight. Lots of it.

So if all I can afford for lunch is a small bag of fries with ketchup and a diet coke from McDonalds, and all I can afford for dinner is a £1 salad, that will be that. I'm not planning on spending over £3.50 a day. Time to get my butt in gear.