Damage control

I'm 149 lbs again, and not happy about this recent development, although I suppose I only have myself to blame for eating the way I did towards the end of term. I realised last night that I've completely forgotten how to eat for health rather than for comfort. I'm so used to being able to shove in a huge bag of salty crisps, cheese on toast, or cereal washed down by a bottle of mulled wine. They're just empty carbs which provide temporary happiness but in the long run they do me absolutely no good. It's no wonder I've put on half a stone. 

Realising that I'd actually forgotten how to eat well, I decided to look back to posts from earlier this year and 2012. I'd like to get back to how I was eating around the time I went to Amsterdam in September last year. I was living off a lot of vegan, organic foods and fresh produce, having yogurt granola and fruit every morning, drinking homemade smoothies and going out for sushi lunches with friends. I don't know what happened to that way of living! I suppose it faded away, along with school, old friends, and summer time. Still, I'm determined to get my health back on track. I've got a nasty cough so I'm limiting myself to a max of four cigarettes a day until I get better. I am also going to make a special effort to do mundane things like eat more fruit and veg. It may be the season to be jolly, but who says being jolly means getting fat??!

I started off the day with low fat vanilla yogurt, granola, sultanas & a chopped banana, plus an Innocent fruit smoothie. I'm meeting Tina at 5pm for Starbucks, so I think I'll have a super green lunch of mange tout, olives, and cucumber :) Dinner will probably be a bit of whatever's knocking around, although I do feel like making some soup and baguette. I'll see how it goes.  

On another happy note (insert sarcasm here), I've felt really, really unwanted since I came back to London. It's not that I feel like my family hate me or anything, but ever since Monday, my mum and sister keep throwing out little reminders that my return has caused disruptions. This morning my mum lost her rag with my sister because she wouldn't get up to go to school, and she blamed it on me coming downstairs at midnight to go to the bathroom. As if that is reason not to get up in the morning. Then she proceeded to say that everything was fine before I came home, and now no one can sleep because of me, and maybe I should just go back to university. I have half a mind to go back early in the new year. Honestly. If no one wants me here I'm not going to sit around and get shit hurled at me for being up at night. Did I mention that they moved me out of my room and into the attic mezzanine in my absence? It's so cramped up here, I don't have a door and I have to walk down a VERY rickety spiral staircase that creaks whenever I need to get downstairs. Good plan putting the insomniac on the top floor. 

Ugh. Anyway, rant over. I hope my mother cools her boots and stops blaming me for things that aren't my fault. I feel like I'm eighteen again on my gap year, like the unruly invalid child who's out of everyone else's schedule and makes more problems than she's worth. Or something.