I told him, in jest, that I bruise like a peach. But today, 10 days on, I still have those bruises on my arms and legs, and it's a reminder. I reminder of what we had, not just the sex but everything beyond.
I have to write him a letter. I have his address, but I don't know what's blocking me. Is it that I'm scared sick he's met someone else already?
His best friend, Joel, told me I was being somewhat pathetic about it. That it was only a "brief whirlwind romance". Why don't boys ever get it? Am I just like all those other needy girls who fell for JG? The whole thing makes me nauseous. It is all so time consuming, frustrating, depressing, horrific and disgusting.
Moving on. Thank you, Bella & Sam, for your comments on my last post(s). I went to the appointment and it actually went well. She seemed cynical at first (or maybe that's just my paranoia talking) but by the end she was in agreement with me that the dose I was on was far too low considering the severity of my symptoms, and agreed to trial a higher dose with me, with a view to meet again in a month to touch base and probably increase further. She switched out my first 10mg dose of standard methylphenidate with 18mg Concerta XR (longer-release ritalin, 8 hrs instead of 4) and kept the other 2 10mg doses the same. So I'm on 38 mg /daily now, and I haven't decided whether I like the extra-release ritalin better or not. I don't feel it as much, but it makes me feel "normal", whatever the fuck "normal" is... so who knows. We'll see.
On the weight front, I'm down to 170.2. Five pounds in five days isn't bad going. Admittedly, I've forgotten how to eat properly. Yesterday, I ate a couple of bites of porridge (the bowl seemed far too big); at work, a sandwich (low-calorie), half a bag of sweets and some crisps. Today has been much the same; 2 pieces of low-calorie toast for breakfast, then a kind of Spanish omelette/chorizo/egg/kale thing Lina made for dinner. Instantly rejected, because my body sucks. Jazz bar tonight, but hopefully it won't be a late one. I'm exhausted and have a 12-5.
i don't know much about the JG situation, but i do hope that it ends up with a good outcome. either way, i hate seeing someone as lovely as you sad. i do recall i did binge read your blog before, but it's long enough that the details are a bit fuzzy. that, or he's a recent mention xxx
ReplyDeleteaye, we will see. i'm glad they did the increase. at least /something/ changing is better than nothing changing. i'm hoping that it works out well!
i hope you do eat a bit more, love. that doesn't sound like much at all (i'm a recovery advocate, and i have to voice my concern at least once, out of sheer love i hope you don't mind! i won't pester you much about it. i know it's a difficult situation, but i really do hope you have something.) have a good day, beautiful xxx
this comment is so odd. i hope i didn't say anything to offend you! xxx
-Sam Lupin