I'm 175 pounds. I won't go into detail as to how I got there, but involves more than several failed dieting attempts and the return of pernicious, insidious alcoholism that did next to nothing to help The Weight Situation. I was vegan, for a while. It didn't help me lose weight, but it provided a feeling of safety and control. Now I don't seem to stick to anything. Therapy is helping me psychologically, albeit in small increments. I have a job at a bar, and it's not one that I love - far from it - but it pays the bills and keeps me out of trouble.
I haven't written in months and months. Not on this blog, or for pleasure. It's time to start engaging that side of myself again before I become well and truly braindead.
It's 3.30pm and I'm not hungry; all I've consumed is coffee, about 100 calories' worth with the milk. I feel heavy, and all of my clothes look shit.
I think that love is poison. True poison.
I'm devastated and fully intend to "starve the pain away".
I will begin to write again, and it will help, a little.
I will eat a little, drink a little, survive.
Doctor's appointment Wednesday afternoon. I'm asking to up my dose of Ritalin. It won't solve all my problems, but it will definitely help. This mental fog has been going on far too long.
Hey there stranger :)
ReplyDeleteI'd say it's good to see you again, but it's always bittersweet when bloggers are feeling bad enough that they feel the need to come back. If it helps, I'm glad you're posting again, but I'm sorry you're in so much pain.
Always here if you need to talk.
Take care as best you can <3
xxBella