Peace, love and Amsterdam

The healthy outlook is going well :) I'm still at 142 lbs but I am trying to see that as maintaining rather than a monumental fat failure. I actually feel like I have tons more energy at the moment and I legitimately need to get out of the house in the afternoons because my vitality seems to be coming back... which is pretty impressive seeing as I've been a zombie for the best part of this year. Yesterday was a success. Tina forced me to go shopping with her (I loathe clothes shopping with a passion... I've gone into why before on this blog). That didn't turn out to be too bad... I bought some cosy ribbed bottle green leggings, a thin white cotton top with a purple-galaxy peace sign on it, a long tee with a kind of tie-dye sunset design which is sort of rave-y (if that's even a word), some stretch cotton maroon jeans, some new socks and plimsoles. So I was really pleased with that as usually I hate myself in all shop mirrors and come back defeated. After all that we treated ourselves to a Starbucks (coffee light) and by 7pm we realised neither of us had eaten all day so we bought a healthy snack-type dinner of organic blue maize chips, vegan barbecue sauce, baby carrots, raw hoummous and organic chorizo.

I also had my new favourite drink:

This stuff is amazing for your immune system... it has manuka honey, beta glucan, ginger, zinc... MUNE "Healthy" water, go look it up.

This morning I've had the standard yogurt, fruit combination except I used soy yogurt (yummy), organic applesauce, banana, blueberries, cinnamon and some grated carob. I also had a bottled green tea drink which was weirdly nice... I usually hate green tea but apparently it has fat burning properties so who knows. No granola today, I want to save my calories for lucky dip trail mix and couscous salad :)

OK, so, food talk over... I'm sick of all the social drama that's going down in our 'friendship group' - if you can even call it that these days. It's just turned into this fricken labyrinth of petty high school angst and I'm bored of it. So bored. In fact, it makes me want to run off and go and live in a cave for the rest of eternity. Thank God I'm going to Amsterdam. Oh, and that's another thing. Zara is making me feel guilty about not inviting her over there - I DID INVITE HER when I first heard about it and she never ever followed me up on it! I'm sorry but if people want to come on holiday with me I'm not going to be the one pestering them about it. Tina and Caro were actually serious about getting out of the country with me, and they were actually proactive about it and sorted out booking their tickets with me. The ridiculous thing is, Zara wouldn't even have been free this weekend. She's at like 3 different festivals over the next week. So it's just stupid really and reminds me of what went on in my primary school playground.

Another thing going on is the never-ending Charlie saga, yawn. So Caro spoke to Charlie like she said she would, and asked her if she might try and talk to me any time soon. Apparently she's still scared I'll 'yell' at her and 'needs more time'. I have several responses to that. A) I've never 'yelled' at her; in fact, I was one of a minority of people who didn't yell at her following what happened, despite wanting to and being totally justified in doing so. B) Why is it on her terms and why does she have all the control? - and C) Why should I wait around for someone who quite frankly should be grovelling after the way she's behaved - not just with me but with Alfie, Tina, Zara and actually just about everyone in some way or another over the past six months.

My mum and sister also had a horrific argument last night which culminated in my sister packing her bags and leaving the house to go bunk at her druggie friend's open house. She sent me a text saying she wasn't coming back until school started. Then I had my mother ranting at me for about 2 hours straight like some kind of banshee. So that shattered my sense of calm. It's like a never-ending nightmare sitcom on freak repeat. You could literally write a bad series about this. Pathological lying, sociopathy, eating disorders, love triangles, unrequited love, secret relationships, depression, divorce, custody battles, huge misunderstandings, babies popping out of nowhere, oh God the list goes on. Ludicrous, I am telling you. And I think my head might just explode.

Seriously considering doing some meditation in between packing, and the sad thing is, that's not even a joke.

I love you all so, so much - you're like my escape from my real world and I can't tell you how much I value that. I'll be back next Wednesday, and in the mean time, take care of yourself, little chickens. <3