I'm officially sick of eating all day long, and not working. Every goddamn day I tell myself, 'Stick to a sensible amount of calories, don't binge, and try to do some work'. Things that should logistically be easy and painless for me, like not exceeding 1200 calories, or reading 2 fucking pages of notes, have become impossible. And I just wish I knew why.

My sleeping habits are fucked. As a result, my coffee and sugar consumption is through the roof, and a certain part of my brain feels it's justified to eat peanut butter sandwiches and chocolate chip biscuits at 10pm. I read a sentence, and I'm exhausted. I smoke way too much even though I know it isn't helping my fatigue, and I seem to have developed a legitimate need to drink alcohol in the evenings - not with the intent of calming down or socialising, which might perhaps be more normal, but, ultimately, to escape from my own thoughts and eventually get drowsy enough to fall asleep. What is happening to me?