On Sunday before my exam, he called me up and wished me good luck, and told me I had nothing to worry about.
He just... like... gets me, you know? I don't have to say everything and he still gets it. But I'm not going to act on my feelings before he and Charlie break up - which, according to just about all of our friends, is inevitable. If I can help it I won't act on my feelings at all, but if it does happen some time this summer, it will be kept strictly secret. He's going to university in October anyway so it's not like we could have any sort of relationship even if we wanted to. But a girl can dream.
You'd think that feeling this intensely about someone would stop me from eating, but it hasn't. I've been eating my feelings. But that's because this situation isn't tense. At the beginning of January I was so wound up with the whole Rebecca situation, that I found it super easy to restrict. I felt like a bundle of nerves 24/7 and when I did eat, I didn't enjoy it. So, in the most sick and twisted way, I'm almost wanting drama to go down during summer, just so that I have an excuse to feel nervous and on edge and subsequently lose all interest in food.
I haven't done anything wrong and I'm not being deceitful, so I have nothing to feel guilty about. It's not like I've slept with my best friend's boyfriend so no one can guilt me into feeling like I've done something wrong. Right?
I also don't give a shit about 'girl-code' and I think people should do whatever they want. But I'm not going to vocalise my beliefs on this subject for the time being.
Today is looking to be a 1,000 day which is a damn whole lot better than my recent eating behaviour. I have a weird stomach ache that is not PMS-related so it's sort of putting me off eating heavy food. So far I've just drunk a shit load of fresh fruit smoothie which seems to have helped. Tonight I have to pick up my sister from her first therapy session and I told her we could get Starbucks afterwards. I'll probably just get a skinny frappuccino which comes to 96 calories. There's no need for me to eat anything else today apart from that. It's not like I'm working my ass off and deserve to eat, is it?
Sigh.
Aww Alfie sounds so sweet! I have a thing for pic n mix too! but hardly ever get them.. My bf knows it to and hes super sweet I remember him being like "you're such a good girl I'm gonna get you a pic n mix" as sad as that sounds it literally made my heart flutter haha!
ReplyDeleteAnd to be honest some girls dont stick to the "code" or whatever.. I think as long as your honest or she doesnt find out its fine, but then again my BEST FRIEND went out with my ex bf like a month after we broke up but did it all in secret and I was propa hurt felt like I had been betrayed by her - not him, cos he was just a wankstain. but you sound like you have a propa "connection" and that is the sweetest thing.. I totally understand this, its a shame he is going to uni, you could always visit eachother? I hope everything works out <3 Much love! xx
Ah it sounds like that guy really liked you and he seems super sweet.
ReplyDeleteI don't think your friend has any reason to be upset so long as you are honest with her and as the saying goes 'you can't help who you fall in love with'. Hope it all works out for you, lots of love xxx
Alfie does sounds sweet! If you want a tip on how to get around the girl code which i did is once they break up and time has healed them a little. (they say it takes half the relationship to heal, so if they wernt dating long it wont be forever!) just ask her if its ok. She will say no, then because your her friend will come around. She will hate it but atleast your being honest and technically you got the
ReplyDeleteheads up :D
if my friend said yes to me seeing her first then im sure she will say yes eventually :)
- Love C
xxxx
Wow that guy is a sweetie. Sounds so cute. I hope it works out for a you guys.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are going to have a good day today which is good. I am off to a good start myself. I have had nothing to eat so far. I am thinking about getting a yogurt and then I still need to get in my workout session. I think this should help the tummy bloating I am dealing with.
Awesome pix. I wish I could wear clothing like that and look as cool.
That boy does sound like an absolute sweetie. I hope something does happen between you two :]
ReplyDeleteHey beautiful, he sounds lovely. I hope it works out well, whatever you decide to do.
ReplyDeleteAlice xx