1) Alfie was in a bad way and hardly said anything all night and it made the atmosphere really weird because if he's chatty then everyone's chatty
2) Tina was unusually quiet and busy as host so that offset the whole balance of things
3) Raina has no concept of awkwardness and so will just be awkward and French and not say anything
4) Caro is the most awkward person I know and was just sitting there lapping up the awkwardness and getting off on it or something
So yeah it was painful and as I always do when it's awkward, I try to fill the empty space with some kind of conversation or story or pondering of a subject. I felt like I was the only one talking. We ate one course in silence. SILENCE. What is this?! God. I'm actually so glad all of my friends are leaving to go to uni. Then I can pick and choose the ones I want to hang out with separately and not have to deal with this kind of crap.
The good side is I didn't drink a SIP of alcohol and therefore didn't binge. The bad news is dinner could practically have been considered a binge in my books. We had spinach, green beans and mushrooms which was totally healthy and fine. While we waited for food we ate bread and butter. Then the main was pasta (white pasta) with chorizo, chicken and onions... and I put a fuck ton of cheese on mine. Luckily I ate mostly the 'extra' bits and avoided the pasta. But still. Cheese! Then we had vanilla ice cream and raspberries... I mean really Gabby, what were you thinking. 'How to eat as much dairy and carbs as humanly possible in one hour'. Ugh.
This morning (or rather, afternoon, as I've woken up late) I'm a solid 142 lbs and hating it but oh well, it's better than 144.
(If I keep telling myself this, I might stop feeling like such a lardy-arse from last night's carbfest).
Fuck man. I need cigarettes and coffee.
I totally forgot to tell you guys about seeing Ginger. We actually had a really good time! There was no initial awkwardness whatsoever... and Jesus, having spent so much time with Alfie this summer, it really struck me how chilled out he is in comparison. Like, I used to think he was absolutely precious, and constantly trying to guilt trip me or whatever, but I was amazed at how much my mood lifted after we'd hung out. Whenever I spend time with Alfie... it's always really intense and emotional in some way and usually leaves me feeling emotionally drained. It never used to be like that. I used to get that chill-out vibe from hanging out with him. But I guess that was before all the intense intimacy stuff happened between us. Sigh. Anyway. Me and G got frappuccinos and went to mong in the sun on my local green. Played music, had a bit of a chain smoke and a catch-up. Oh that's another thing, he doesn't berate me for smoking like Alfie does. Which is really fucking refreshing.
Now I know we can hang out and not automatically get off I will definitely be seeing more of him over the next year. He might try to help me get a part-time job or something because he is older than me and knows the system a bit better. Meanwhile he is a struggling thespian trying to either a) get on a good drama course or b) be adopted as a protégé by an up and coming Hollywood director. Haha. Anyway, he's mellowed out a lot so it's all good. And we might start running together. I need to get some running shoes though.
So today the plan is: get out of bed. Have a shower (a hot one, that hits all the mosquito bites I'm covered in from Amsterdam). Cover that dreadful spot on my chin as artfully as possible. Put on some clothes I haven't worn already this week. Get out of the house. Go meet Tina and Caro for Japanese food (sushi - yum!). I can count on them for non-awkwardness seeing as I spent a week on holiday with the two of them and our vibe is just fine. Oh and I need to find a way of navigating myself to a nearby Costa or Starbucks for a vanilla latte. Because those things are positively godly.
Food so far today: protein smoothie made from 1 small banana, 1 cup unsweetened almond milk and a handful of pumpkin seeds. Bottled green tea with honey and lemon. And half a chickpea salad. Ugh that's already quite a lot of food. But if I just get something small at this Japanese place and drink my weight in water maybe it will balance out and I can get back to 141 by tomorrow.
Lastly - welcome new followers! I can't believe I have 75 people wanting to actually read this shit, it still mind-boggles me.
Apologies for all the swearing. Peace!
Lol congrats on the 75 followers. You are very real and that is why I like reading you. Maybe it is the same thing for them.
ReplyDeleteI have been to a dinner like that and yeah it sucks. I feel so bad you had to experience that. I wonder what the heck was going on with everyone. Makes no sense at all.
Glad you got to see G and that everything worked out. It was nice and relaxing. It is hard for me to do that with my old friends. I feel so different from them now.
You enjoy the rest of your day too. I am off to work again :-P
Ooh, your meet-up with G sounds fairly normal and refreshing. I like that he's become a friend upon whom you can rely. It's better than being in some weird-ass situation where the guy likes you, but you don't, so it's a little awkward.
ReplyDeleteI also had to laugh so hard at the unit of measurement known as "f*** ton" that you created. Has it been standardised yet?
Much love,
<3.