When life gives you lemons

Boring day today. No one's around. Waiting for my life to pick up. Woke up super early (8.30) which was annoying because I wanted to sleep in. Had a coffee with my sister around 1.30 and apart from that I've done nothing all day. Food-wise it's been good: I've had 3 Nakd raw vegan bars (445), a super food smoothie (243), apple and beetroot juice (100), a soy vanilla latte (141) and a big handful of raw walnuts (150) because I've heard they are good for getting in your omega when you don't eat fish. So apart from the latte, everything I've eaten has been totally raw vegan, which is awesome :) I failed with the no cigarettes thing... menthols and latte go so well together... but I'm definitely cutting down, and then giving up completely in October (national stop smoking month!) For dinner I am going to make a big raw salad with cucumber, wild rocket, celery, spring onions, tomatoes, coriander, and a dressing made from balsamic vinegar and agave nectar. Yum times.

So I need to think up a title for my art coursework, like a starting concept for my project, and I am feeling utterly uninspired and lost for ideas. In an effort to assuage my guilt over being a worthless slob today, I applied for a local babysitting job. I have another (unrelated) babysitting date on Wednesday night, which is excellent because I am totally skint at the moment. It also struck me that I could actually apply for some modeling opportunities this year, if I got the measurements down. I mean, who knows, putting yourself out there can be a fine thing. If I meet the model requirements (bust: 31-34", waist: 22-24", and hips: 31-35") and still get rejected from all the agencies I apply to, I will give up on the whole idea. But for now it's a nice fantasy to occupy my mind with and actually something to work towards. I am thinking of applying to Premier model management. I went on their website today and you have to submit two photos of yourself, and your measurements. Right now there is no way they will take me with my current proportions (33-28-36, I believe, although I'll have to check that). Mostly I just want to raise my game a little and have a goal in mind, so I'm not just losing weight because I'm depressed or want to be skinny... I like the idea of having to lose weight for a possible career option. There's no better motivator for losing weight than actually needing to, because otherwise, I might become completely and utterly broke. And I am aware that the competition is huge. Worth a shot I guess... I have the height so I might as well make the most of it, and of myself.

I'm having a little love affair in my mind with Cara Delevingne, who is just beautiful. Her measurements are 31-24-34, and she is only half an inch taller than me.

These are the vegan bars I was talking about (they're basically just raw fruit, nuts and oats), and the brand of superfood juice I drink:

I'm gonna go running later... literally that is all I have going for me today... I'm feeling bored and out of it and kind of lonely and I really hate how I can't just call Alfie and ask him to come over. It makes me really sad, that's all. Maybe if I lose enough weight and run enough I will stop thinking about him... Maybe.