Day 11

165.0, fuck my life. I need to find a way to break out of this plateau.

I've never not been able to lose weight whilst restricting. It all leads me to believe my metabolism is so slow that even a fraction over 1000 and I swing back to where I was before. It sucks so much.

Part of me just wants to go back to eating whatever.

Restricting is such a fucking drain. And what do I have to show for it - 5 measly pounds of water weight. I can't even see the difference on my body, because not one of those pounds was fat.

Feel like swallowing a bunch of laxatives or something.

L applied to the job I was going for too. The idea, then, became that we'd work together and go to our shifts together, but she got it and I didn't. I'm so annoyed. Because I didn't get it, I have to work in London in the summer holiday instead of going to LA to be with my dad. I'm so upset.

This was like my last chance to prove to my parents that I actually know the value of money. It doesn't even matter if I get another job now, they've made their minds up that I have to work when I come home.

I overslept, it's almost 4 now and I just got out of the shower. I wish I could fast today but I feel so pissed off and upset that I know I won't stick to it. Unfortunately, I feel like eating everything. Bingeing out of my mind. But then I'll be back up to 170 before I can blink, and all of this will have been for nothing.

I wish my response to unhappiness and failure was to not eat. I'd rather have an anxiety that stopped me from eating than an anxiety that made me want to eat everything in sight.