Just when I thought I could sink no lower

Still maintaining 146. I went up to 147 on the weekend, but this morning I'm back to my good old average weight. I feel vaguely okay about it. 

Something horrible happened on Saturday night, though. Practically all of last week I was bingeing - every night without fail, actually. Not necessarily humungous binges, but overeating late at night when I didn't need it and wasn't even hungry. Saturday, I guess, was the straw that broke the camel's back. I binged all afternoon, and even when I was babysitting in the evening, I continued to binge; in someone else's house, as well. It was awful. I wanted to get the boy to bed as soon as possible so that I could carry on pigging out in the kitchen on whatever I could find. It didn't help that she'd told me I should 'help myself to anything might I get hungry'. I finished off half a large pan of potato and dill rice with full fat natural yogurt, hoummous and sweet chilli sauce. I ate two mini bags of Haribo and a packet of crisps I found hidden in a cupboard. I also ate some bread with more hoummous, a couple of slices, and had 1/2 a slab of cranberry Wensleydale cheese. All of this I washed down with 750ml of flavoured, low-cal sparkling water. I felt so ill and hysterical about it so I walked quietly up to the top floor of their huge house, went into the unused bathroom, and purged. Well, I threw up about a third of what I ate. I know this because I was still bloated, and it was only the recent round of food that came up. But it was fucking grim. I hated it, it scared me and I'm never doing it again. I don't have a gag reflex, really, so I had to do it by glugging the rest of the fizzy water, and leaning over the toilet with my hands curling into the fat on my stomach. Ugh.. never again.

Bingeing saga aside, though, the last two days have been good. Yesterday I managed not to binge for what felt like the first time in forever, and I was super proud of myself. Today has also been successful. I've had a day off, and not much to do, which has resulted in me feeling like a slob - but I think I'm going to go to the gym in 40 minutes or so to make up for it. Maybe sort out my clothes, and get rid of all the ones I no longer wear. The plan this week is to stick to 1000 calories a day max, just enough so I can keep up my metabolism, but hopefully drop some weight too. I'm also going to keep to high-protein meals, less carbohydrates, more veggies. And coffee. Coffee is amazing.