Plans make everything better.

So I haven't had the best of days. Definitely wasn't a fantastic start to February. My father, God love him, sent me a charming little email this morning notifying me that he was going to cut me off in 3 weeks' time. Just to clarify - this is the man who wanted to see my mum destitute after they divorced, and I wouldn't put it past him to want the same for me. This is all started, of course, because my mum mentioned to him that I had finally put the boot in with my art. His opening line to me was that I was a massive disappointment to him; that I'll never learn any life lessons; that I never see anything through, and this makes him 'sad'. So yep, the minuscule amount he puts in my bank account every week (it is less than half of what most of my friends are getting from their parents), is going to be zapped on the 21st of February, which leaves me only three fucking weeks to get a job. 

Needless to stay this spiralled yet another day down the drain with bingeing, chain smoking, and glugging cappuccino flavour soya milk upon the hour. I am bloated, gassy, unhappy, and really want life to just fuck off right now. I want to escape to the countryside for a few weeks, be by myself, be creative on my own terms without the restrictions of some dumb A-level, and just live amongst nature for a while. When I come back I want to be thin, beautiful, and free. Maybe then, people will stop pestering me and demanding things from me all the time. 

I said I'd come up with a new plan for February today, so here it is. I'm assuming I'm back up to 148 lbs at this point, which is depressing, but if I'm honest, it just motivates me to lose even more than I originally intended. I'm eating on a budget, and I'm trying to save the money in my account to put aside towards a summer holiday with my friends, so the only money I will have to spend is the £5 here and there that my mother pays me to do jobs for her. 

While browsing the shelves of Tesco today, I rediscovered my love for soup. Strangely, I've forgotten that soup can be nutritious, low cal, and CHEAP. A can of lentil & vegetable soup (vegan, of course) is about 150 calories, and 49p. Win. I also found some oatcakes for 22p. I will be eating those with my soup. From now on I will be smoking rollies rather than straights, because they are much cheaper. Tina always brings fags when she sees me at the weekends, and as she decided to quit her course and restart this September, she'll be moving back to London in the next few weeks. Hopefully this will mean a lot of sharing and caring :) Ie. Gabby turns into a charity case until summer. 

Anyway, back to the point, here's the plan for the rest of Feb: 

Breakfast Banana + soy cappuccino/juice/dairy-free yogurt ~250 cal 
Lunch 3 oatcakes/cereal bar + an orange/carrot sticks with mustard ~200 cal
Dinner Can of vegetable soup ~200 cal 
Extras Water + diet coke + black coffee + cigarettes ~0 cal 
Exercise 30-45 mins at the gym, minimum 4x a week ~-250 cal  

I've made it quite flexible (ie. different food choices) so I don't get bored and end up bingeing. At least, I hope not. My net will work out at 400-650 cal a day, which I am pretty content with. I'm thinking of doing this plan until March, when I can debut my new skinny body to the world. Perhaps I'll lose so much weight that I will have to sell all of my old, fat clothes for money. That would be nice. 

Anyone want to join me a la February challenge? (That probably made no grammatical sense, I apologise). I'm a vegan, so feel free to substitute things for lean meat or fish, regular milk, etc. But the point is we could all be a bunch of very happy people this March if things go to plan :) I say let's go for it. Then maybe there will be a chance I can show my (currently flabby) legs to the world when the weather warms up next month...