135.6 WHAT

I saw my sister yesterday! She called me on a whim yesterday afternoon and we hung out in the sun. She cheered me up so much. Prior to her phone call, at 3pm, asking if I'd like for her to meet me at the tube station so we could hang out near my house, I had been laying in bed in a dark room with the blinds down, staring up at the ceiling, ready to cry. Note to self: don't ever try to nap out of need if you haven't mastered the skill yet. It leads to disappointment, frustration, and a vast waste of time. I was lying there for literally an hour trying to catch up on sleep (stupid insomnia the night before) but, you know, when the body doesn't want to sleep, it won't. Or rather - when the mind doesn't want to, it won't.

We were laughing for about 3 hours straight. About - like - nothing in particular. We didn't even talk about the dysfunctional family unit situation. We basked in the sun outside Starbucks, went round the shops that were still open, and then lay on the green and snoozed like hot potatoes. I’m so glad I saved some calories to treat myself to a coffee with her. And thank the Lord for cigarettes.

I did buy a ton of individually wrapped bubblegum pieces, though – luckily I didn’t eat any yesterday, but I looked up the nutritional info and they’re 18 calories per sweet. So I'm making space today because they are delicious.

As a result of my melancholic turned manic afternoon, I didn't get my planned cardio in. But I did do a lot of walking, in the heat, so hopefully that burned a few calories :) And afterwards, instead of feeling utterly worn out, I felt happy and energized. This shows that energy levels can sometimes be psychosomatic rather than physiological like I always presume.

SOMETHING ELSE: I bought myself new jeans. (I hadn't bought a pair since I was about 15 and still wearing UK8s; the minute I shot up to a 12 I found it far too degrading to even consider owning a 'fat' pair of trousers.) But I'm incredibly happy I did - even if they were size 12s - because they were cheap as hell (£9), dark blue (have oddly never owned dark blue jeans), and fit me SO nicely. I might even look... dare I say it... slim? in these jeans. When I tried them on, I was also pleasantly surprised to find the waist band was even a little loose. Which for now, means belt, but more importantly, means another 5 lbs and I could be in size 10s. This, my friends, makes me very happy indeed.

Last night I had a dream about bingeing. That was fucking awful. I ate one too many tortillas and the world ended (NB: not literally). Also, Alfie featured, but I can't remember much about that (do I want to?) So I woke up, relieved to have only dreamt of bingeing and not actually done it for real, and had to lie in bed for half an hour until my mum's boyfriend had left the vicinity. Then I scampered to the scales and was horrified/in awe/ecstatic to see a consecutive eight readings of 135.6!!! Ahh I'm so excited to be back at my LW. Onwards and downwards (?) from here.