Suburgatory

On nights like these it really feels like I'm in the suburbs. I guess I am, in a way, and even though Central London is only a 20 min ride on the underground sometimes it can feel like I'm in a nowhere place on a hot suburban night. I went for a walk. In the summer here, at night, everything is dark and leafy and muggy, and the sky over the park is expansive. The streets are black except for the orange glow of the streetlamps, which suffuse a yellowish tint over the tops of cars and parts of the pavement, with these hanging black shadowy trees completely still like they're watching for you or waiting for you or something. And it's completely silent, until some biker rushes past and disappears off as quickly as he emerged, swallowed up by the gloaming.

No one's home and I feel unbearably sad. I decided, on my travels, to buy a bunch of vegan food for a detox. My skin is shit and I don't know when my period's going to start, but going vegan right before has always helped control break-outs. So I bought green apples, peaches, dates, tomatoes, smoothies, almond milk, tomato cup-a-soups, peanut butter and a butternut squash whole-grain salad pot thing that was reduced. I'm going to eat the salad now, and the tomatoes. That will bring my total up to 900 calories. Even though I said I wasn't going to eat anything else, I think the nutrients will do me good and stop me from bingeing tomorrow.

I pray to God that I haven't gained from today. I'm still fairly sure I've plateaued, but I really need to see 162 soon or I am going to lose faith.

There are fireworks going off left right and centre. I think it's for 4th of July celebrations in America. Really weird, reminds me of Venice, LA and the party I went to. Mourning for that era, everything seemed better then.