1) Our little ray of sunshine Zara is back in London, and I literally cried a little tear of joy when I found out... she is like the mediating presence in our friendship group
2) I don't know my weight but that doesn't matter because I don't feel fat today
3) Alfie came over last night and held me until I fell asleep and it was bliss
4) I have a disgusting chesty cough that is soooo unattractive but despite that, I feel so much better and the antibiotics are working, I CAN BREATHE and TASTE and SMELL
So yeah that's why I'm happy.
6th day sober, no alcohol since last Friday. 3rd day no smokes. Taking control of these things and staying abstinent from them even though it's just been a short while, makes me feel like I can get free other bad habits, like bingeing, just as easily if I give it time. Food is such a hard addiction to cut ties with because it's everywhere, it's society's legal drug and people have to eat to live. But not as much as people like to make out, ha.
Had some sushi and frozen yogurt with a bread roll this afternoon. I don't know what's happening later, whether I'm seeing Alfie again or my sister or just staying in... but I will probably get coffee. I would like to smoke a cigarette alongside that coffee, but I'm going to resist the urge because I know I don't need it. I won't be able to smoke for 2-3 weeks after my operation so I'd better get used to it now. Also, Alfie loves it that I'm not smoking. He hates it so that's another good incentive not to slip and give in :P
I've decided that I am going to start eating like a fussy supermodel who only eats the best and grazes throughout the day on healthy veggie-based snacks. Coffee? Yes. Sushi? Double yes. Non fat frozen yogurt? Triple yes with bells on backwards. Bread rolls - not so much, but as I haven't exceeded 500 calories so far today, I'll take it. I read loads of online supermodel food diaries when I was bored and ill yesterday and it's true, they really do eat like birds, so it's a load of bullshit when you hear them going on about their 'natural slenderness' and how they 'wolf down 6 meals a day'. There's some truth to that - many models ARE naturally twiggy but they all live on backstage champagne, skimpy sushi rolls, weird ass fat burning tea drinks, and handfuls of latenight frozen M&Ms... the proof is in the (phantom, non-existent, anorexic, probably cooked with Splenda) pudding!
So that's my new thing. Pretending I'm a model off duty at all times.
And, dear lord, I hate this quote - but I thought it was way too appropriate to end this post with:
Try warm water with lemon juice and a bit of sugar for that cough, it should help :)
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a good way to live, if only I could get away with it i'd be joining you with the crazy model diet xD
That quote is so over-used, it makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a plastic spoon every time someone says it -.- <3
that model's life sounds amazing! i would absolutely love to live like that.
ReplyDeletegood work on the quitting smoking! apparently it gets so much easier after the first week. stay strong :) xxxx
I love this post. So lovely and refreshing to hear you so happy! Also, congratulations on the non-smoking!! I hate it so much, too, and I always pretended not to read it when you wrote about smoking, but I like this better, you not smoking at all! Any chance that'll continue even after your recovery from the operation? If Alfie doesn't like it, either, I'm guessing there's a good chance of that. :)
ReplyDeleteLove you enormously,
<3.
P.S. Very clever about the pudding. I liked it.