Day Two

I ended up going out to Byron with Lina, and demolishing half of a veggie burger with french fries. So Day One was shot to hell, but in my head it was worth it. This morning I weighed 171.2. 

The plan is a 500 calorie limit:

- 1 c. cereal with almond milk (180)

- 1/2 c. raspberries (60)

- Whatever's around for dinner (200 max.)

Plus chocolate, because there's a lot of that lying around the house.

I was told it would be better than this

I hit my highest weight this week. I made a vow to myself, at some point, that I wouldn't ever exceed 150, at any point. Well, that one failed. I exceeded 170 by a long shot and I continue to slip up and lose control. My life's fairly broken at the moment. I've been ill for two weeks, the kind of ill that prevents one from actually leaving the house for much longer than half an hour. My eyes are red and hollow looking. I'm bloated and my digestion is shot. I can't seem to get back into the 160s. I already started and ruined a relationship this term, with an Italian musician, of all people. I refuse to see him until I am myself again. This can't be me; this can't be all there is. My own mediocrity astounds me. I'm so slow and lethargic that I barely metabolise enough not to gain on 1,200 calories a day. It's time to restrict again, in earnest, and sort myself out.

I organised my room, stringing up all my best blacks and whites on an industrial steel clothing rail, and it actually makes me feel motivated to fit into all my old clothes. Wanting to shrink to belong in my own room.

Today's intake so far:

- 1 c. cereal with almond milk (180)
- 1/4 tomatoey pasta dish (154)
- Hoummous (100)
- Diet Coke (1)