Time for f*cking change

180 pounds. Dear fucking GOD.

It's time for a health kick. And time to get back into blogging.  

LA in 14 days so... yeahhh I have to get my shit together. For real. 

I bought grapefruits, tenderstem broccoli, almond milk, pink lady apples, grapes, coke, iced coffee, bananas, raspberries and cashew nuts. I collected my 2 months' worth of Ritalin from the pharmacy.  

I officially have seven days to write my essays, which in my head equals seven days painting a load of terrible depression paintings, knitting an ugly Christmas jumper from scratch, taking too many prescription meds for all the wrong reasons, binge-watching Season 3 of Fresh Meat for Vod & attempting to starve myself at least semi-successfully because fuck, I'm going to America and I refuse to weigh this much on the way there because 11 hours is a fucking long time to be trapped on a plane with your own thoughts. 

There will be a plan, shortly... but right now I am literally too cold to think, so have a Vod.

New start, new horrible start

Wow, I haven't posted here in a long time. It's time to get back to it.

L left to do her master's degree and I'm now living on my own, which technically should make restricting a lot easier... yet I'm up to a horrible 175 lbs, (down from the shocking 182 I glimpsed a few nights ago after a particularly bad binge). I'm depressed as hell and I need to get out of this funk. I'm jobless, broke, and behind at school. In short, my life has gone to shit and I need to do something about it - and quite frankly I know no better way than to lose a shit ton of weight. [At least then, I'll be thin and unhappy.] 

BMI: 25.8 

Av. cals per day: Too many 

Av. exercise per day: Not enough  

Today's death list

- 1/2 pot wholegrain fat-free apricot yogurt (200)

- Coffee with cream and sweetener (30)

- Brown rice, stir fry veg, soy sauce (400)

- 2 BirdsEye chicken burgers (270)

- Cornflakes with almond milk (200) 

- All-butter fudge (250) 

- 2 bagels with PB and jam (800)

Total: 2150 cal

See? This is what I mean. SORT YOUR LIFE OUT. 

I also joined a gym. Have I been? No. I'm useless. This shit stops today and I start the new plan tomorrow. My sister's coming until Monday, and she usually wants to eat comfort food, stuff our mum cooked - macaroni cheese, green beans, sausages, mashed potato, sticky toffee pudding. I'll endure it because I love her, but I will not spiral out of control. I don't want my weight a notch higher than 173 after this weekend. Yes, somehow, miraculously, I am aiming to lose weight on this bender. I don't know how, but if I could do it when I was 15, I can do it again now.    

I will not be fat and depressed any longer. I will look back on how I did it the last time, and, I will do it again.