This just in

Coming down from the worst and longest adrenaline rush of my entire life. Paired with the fact that I've been on a complete caffeine bender these last few days... which hasn't really helped. So I went in late. Caro had informed me via text that the morning had been awkward as hell in the common room; that they had all been in a group on a sofa and she had completely avoided everyone and gone to sit by herself in the corner with her phone. Whilst reading these texts on the way there I was gearing myself up for the major awkwardness that would inevitably ensue over the next lesson (English).

Well, I came in, had a nice conversation with a couple of my teachers, then headed to English... there she was, sitting on the table in a brand new parka and high heels, talking to Tina.

She suddenly dropped, like, another fifteen pounds. Because I've never seen her look that rakish in my life. Oh, and she'd coloured her hair. It was a blondey-brown before, now it's more of a red colour. So she supposedly hasn't had the energy to find it within herself to text anyone for two months... and yet she had the time to go get her hair dyed professionally, lose some more weight, and buy a load of expensive new clothes and shoes. Nice.

Ugh. Tina, ever the peacemaker, wants to patch everything up... but I'm not prepared to make any effort until Rebecca actively wants to come and talk to me to explain what the fuck happened and how things got so bad. Oh and I want Caro there because I can't do it alone. I'm scared that she is just going to stick her metaphorical fork in and twist it round if I so much as give her the chance.

I never signed up for a competitive friendship, but if this is how she wants to play, then I'm fighting tooth and nail to come out on top. The pound I lost this morning made this all marginally better.

breakfast- toast w light spread (75)

lunch- shapers hoummous falafel wrap (292) and a bag of crisps (134)

dinner- diet coke (0)

Total 501 calories.

I really didn't want to eat that much but I was with Tina, who keeps 'an eye' on me nowadays you could say, and she kept saying 'you need to eat, you need to eat' so I stuck to my plan and got a big lunch. It's sitting like a rock in my stomach and I was so scared to eat it at the time, I thought I was going to throw up from nerves. I said I wasn't dieting anymore anyway. Well, that's half true. I'm not dieting, I'm starving myself.

Oh and I forgot to say. There was this really scary crazy guy on the tube who was threatening everyone. He leered really close to me and then I got off the train to change carriage, and he chased me down the platform. It was terrifying... he kept shouting something about my legs being for sale and how I needed to learn a life lesson for him. It was fucking weird. Also, my belated Xmas present arrived - I got a Kindle. Now I can wrap myself up with whatever book I fancy and read my way into utter escapism....