So it's 7.30, and I've only had 400 calories so far, comprising of some raspberry yogurt, a banana, 1/2 cup of bran cereal and diet coke. I have the most tremendous headache, but it feels worth it, because I stepped on the scales and saw that I'd lost 4 kgs since I got back a week ago.

Currently my weight is 73. At 5'9", that puts my BMI at 23.9, "healthy". A week ago, I was technically overweight by BMI standards, which seems absurd, that you can be fat one week and normal the next. But I guess BMI is stupid, and doesn't take into account muscle, or body composition, or bone density. Still, it's an adequate marker for where I want my weight to be. In the first term of uni, I weighed around 62 kgs after having had the flu, which put my BMI at 20, but I could see my ribs. I guess the initial goal is 68, where my weight remained for the entirety of the second term, where I could wear dresses and short skirts and tights and not feel monstrous - "only 5 kgs less than I am now". But 5 kgs is a lot, and now I've lost the initial water weight, it's only going to get harder. But my goal still stands. I want 68 by the first week back at school, in January, and that's three weeks away.

Presently and in the past, weight loss - for me - has never become noticeable until I lose more than 6 kgs, which is a stone. I'm not expecting anyone to notice, but I suspect they will if I return to university less bloated and in decidedly snazzier attire than last term. That's the aim here. It's not be a sad little thin girl with no energy or motivation, who takes an hour to eat a cereal bar. My aim is to be triumphant, and to have nothing to complain about anymore. I wore a dress today for the first time since summer, with tights and thick socks rolled over boots. I looked "feminine", a word I haven't equated with myself since I first got to university. I know I'm still fat, but I won't be for long. And when I get to 68, the next goal will be lower, and I'll keep going until I finally feel confident enough to wear and eat whatever the fuck I want and not be self-conscious. Summer in this country is a nightmare.

Yesterday the total came to around 1150. So far I've been able to lose on 1300-1500, which is still under my deficit because I'm tall, but I know that as it gets harder to lose, the calories will have to go down too. I'm training myself, conditioning my body to need less and still function as it did before. That's the thing. I haven't felt functional for an entire term, even though my intakes have bordered around the 2300 mark. I guess when you eat too much and gain weight, functionality decreases just the same as it would when you eat too little. You start craving 14 hours sleep and panting on the fifteen minute walk to lectures, and God knows that's not healthy.