Thursday

Intake so far:

-- Diet Coke (1)
-- 1/2 bottled Starbucks (x)
-- 1 cup fat-free yogurt, frozen (80)
-- Grape nuts (50)
-- Mini plum (25)
-- 2 fried eggs (160)
-- Caesar dressing (150)
-- 1 cup orange juice (90)

That's 556 calories. It's only 6pm.

Everything got a bit too much for me last night. I had a major breakdown, and then attempted to binge. Didn't get very far as you saw - only had the salad, and the chocolate, and a piece of fruit - before I realised it was a terrible idea. Still, it was enough to put me up to 164.4 this morning. I woke up with a new sense of purpose: to hit 1000 calories per day and start working out. At least until I'm under 160. I can't deal with the instability of extreme restriction. It makes me feel shit, and I end up freaking out and bingeing out of stress. Maybe when my weight isn't in such a precarious place I can snap back into the lower numbers. For now, it's 1000 minimum while I try to tone up and shed some of this fat in a "semi-healthy" way.

That's what I'm telling myself anyway.