Cycling didn't happen. And, because my body isn't used to the large amounts of food, I gained .4 of a lb. Not a big gain, admittedly, and it's better than gaining on 800 calories (which started to happen earlier this month, if you can believe it). It's 4pm and I've had two baked potatoes (no oil) with sriracha ketchup, and a 3 banana-maple syrup-cinnamon smoothie. Purely functional food. I've said this before, but I really want to just see food solely as something I have to shovel in to get energy and nutrients. Everything that doesn't have sugar (sweet, pure, fat-free energy), caffeine (appetite-suppressing, calorie-negligible goodness) or some kind of psychoactive property, like clean pharmaceuticals (Ritalin) or nicotine (Menthol smokes) is a waste of time. Fat is disgusting. The way other people slather meat in butter and then fry it makes me feel sick. The food I snack on late at night when I'm feeling bored or alone also makes me sick. My own sick demands, as a fleshy, messy, neurotic human being. I need to be better, stronger, faster. Right now I'm a 175-pound lump and I don't even recognise myself.
This week is going to be hell. I have either a class or a meeting or something else every day, two essays, shit tons of reading for my course, oh and then Mummy is coming up on Saturday. Hopefully I won't be dead by then. I refuse to weigh a pound over 168 by the weekend. I don't need the comments. I need to look well, and overweight is not well. Also, clothes shopping and dinner might happen. Time for damage control.
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