Time to roll out of the bed I've made and get my shit together. I'm sick of being depressed - over L, over my own life - and dysfunctional. I am getting my life back starting tomorrow. It's the end of an era and I need to mourn it and move on. She doesn't care about me anymore, so it's time for me to stop caring too, and stop hurting myself over it.
I haven't been able to stick to any plans, obviously. I don't even know what a "plan" looks like anymore. At least I've stopped crying, but instead, I've been watching TV all day, drinking wine and binge eating toast and butter every evening on top of normal meals.
Tonight I weigh 174.4, after weighing 169 this morning. I'll be in the 170s tomorrow, and I'll hate myself for it. This has to end. Now.
I don't want to diet, I just want the weight gone. What I know is I want to lose 10 pounds, fast. I don't know how, but I have to find a way. Ugh.
you deserve better, love. you deserve to feel fulfilled and wake up every morning with the hope that things are going to be the best. or better. or that the sky is going to sing in a way you can't forget. just saying. <3
ReplyDelete"I'll be in the 170s tomorrow" i believe this is the point where i tell you that honestly, nobody will know that but you. i know you know that, but it's just sometimes nice to hear it from someone else. that it really is almost just maintaining the same amount. especially when it's just water you've put on.
i know you can lose the weight. but that doesn't matter. you matter more.
love you. <3
- Sam Lupin