68 hours into the fast. This afternoon I weighed 167.0 pounds, which wasn't as bad a gain as I had expected, but still a gain. Today I've had 1/2 a cup of Green Machine (70), a soy cappuccino from Starbucks (120) and a cup of mulligatawny soup (200), in total 390 calories. The problem yesterday was that I went over 1000 calories in liquids without realising or keeping track, which is a remarkably easy mistake to make when your brain is tricked into thinking that soup isn't "real" food. Anyway, I'm glad I stuck with the fast and pushed through despite. There's only 4 more hours until the fast technically ends, but I'm thinking that if I weigh under 165 tomorrow, I'll keep going. It's not as if I have any social commitments coming up that would require eating; the only issue is my own discipline and willpower. But I've read that day 3 is somewhat of a hump in terms of breaking through the hunger wall, so part of me thinks it would be a shame to end it before I get through to the other side. We'll see. Either way, I'm not planning on exceeding 700 calories today, so hopefully I'll see 165 tomorrow, fingers crossed. Then it's only 5 pounds to go before I hit my low weight of the academic year (I got down to 160 some time in the holidays, before I went to New York and binged back the lost weight).

In other news, I saw a therapist today and agreed to ten sessions with him. So that felt fairly beneficial. I ended up crying about my father, as usual. Clearly I have a lot of issues still to work out. But today felt like progress somehow, which was good. I have two more weeks of essays and then I'm home. I am dying to go home and see my friends. I've felt so very isolated this term - this whole year in fact - and being at home, while it can be occasionally stressful, is probably what I need the most right now. I just need to be reminded that there are people who understand and care, I need to be around my family and remind myself that all is not lost.

If I could be somewhere in the 150s by the time I go home, that would be great. I have about eleven days to lose a minimum of eight pounds, in that case. It's a bit extreme but if I continue to lose at a rate of roughly two pounds per day, I could be in the low 160s by the end of the weekend. The grunt work is the difficult bit, but once I stabilise at 160 I'm hoping it will be fairly easy to break through to the 150s in a matter of days. Then I will be working on exercising and refining my diet to be as healthy and simple as possible. The broader goal is to come back in the summer term weighing somewhere around 145, although I don't know how easy it will be to lose that quickly at home. If I could get back to 153 (my weight last January) I would be extremely happy, anything else is a bonus really.