Drive

So the last scene for the 1st half of shooting is a wrap. To be honest, it didn't go great. The d.p. - whom I will call Drive not only for the sake of anonymity, but because he talks relentlessly about the Ryan Gosling film and usually nothing else - turned out to be a bit of an a-hole. A total a-hole, in fact, which is a shame because at points I thought I might quite like him; which would have been fine, except he has some kind of personality disorder that renders him incapable of actually understanding other humans. There were several offences that led to this discovery of Drive being an unreliable and selfish person to keep around. Besides his general toxicity on set, he refused to pay for or contribute towards anything during his stay, he didn't thank anyone before he left, and then he ran over Lina's laptop with his car. Unbelievable.
 
We secured the trendy town flat today. Lina brought something to my attention that I realised explained, in part, why I gain and lose weight in the phasic, bipolar way that I do. The times when I've lost the most amount of weight (or most successfully dieted) have been during instances in which I have felt independent. Now that Drive is out of my hair, we don't have a stupidly early shooting schedule anymore, and I'm going home to London before the next round of shooting, I'm going to take advantage and diet my ass off for the next two weeks.

Found some very interesting things reading back over this blog. The most notable thing is that since I weighed a recorded 156 pounds at one point two years ago, I have only gained 1 inch on each measurement (waist and hips). Which leads me to believe that a large proportion of the weight gain was actually muscle mass, which is denser and heavier than fat. This makes sense, as I can still fit my size 12 jeans. I guess the point is that if I were 156 pounds again, I'd look thinner than last time. That's the aim anyway.

Today's been a slob day, but a nice one. I've haven't done much besides lounge around with Lina in bed. We went out for a drink, and had some smokes and a happy conversation. We're both so excited about next year. I can't wait to just have my own space and dictate my own schedule. I still feel very much like a child in student accommodation, which has probably been a major reason why I compensated with over-spending on food (food no student should be able to afford, and which I couldn't afford but bought anyway out of boredom and self-hatred). This morning I weighed 168.0 lbs. I know I can get down to 166 by the beginning of next week. The first couple of pounds are nothing, and I'm looking forward to the initial thrill that comes with the first week of restricting.

Intake:

-1/2 a bagel + Vitalife (150 cals)
-Kalamata olives (50 cals)
-2 glasses of orange juice (200 cals)
-2 pieces of toast with jam (170 cals)
-Peach bellini (95 cals)
-Iced latte, skinny (90 cals)
-1/2 pack Hula Hoops (60 cals)

So that's 815 cals so far and it's midnight. I'd like to start getting back into not eating after 10pm, or somewhere around then, but seeing as I woke up so late (mid-afternoon) I'm gonna make dinner in about ten minutes. Probably shouldn't be more than 500 calories so keeping under 1500 today and that will be the lowest intake I've had in literally months. I broke my vegan detox yesterday - a month later and I'm seriously craving protein. So we're gonna make some eggs and toast, she's going to have smoked salmon and I will have some honey-roast ham. And hollandaise sauce. Perfection on a plate. Maybe it will be less than 500 cals, who knows.