139.6

Last night was fairly awful. I went for a walk to try to feel better; it worked while I was out, but the minute I was back in the house I felt like shit again. I had a talk with my mum (who, for the record, is back to 'normal' - she's stopped going batshit cray cray on me). She completely understands what I was going through. When she was my age, she was in an almost identical circumstance. She had glandular fever, and they were trying to stop her from going to university. She had issues with her eating too. From what she's described I wouldn't be surprised if it was some mild form of an eating disorder, actually. After taking her A levels (and doing pretty badly) she had to take a year out, and proceeded to get even more ill. When she finally went to uni, they wanted to kick her out because she was still unwell and didn't ever turn up to her lectures. Things improved for her, though. It's just nice to know she went through virtually the same thing as me, even though we're fairly different people.

After we stopped talking, though, my mood just plummeted and I ended up crying myself to sleep. This morning I was back to 139.6 lbs which should make me feel happy, and it does on one hand, but it's still not good enough. My face looks horrible from all the crying, and I'm meant to be meeting my new neighbours as they want me to babysit their kid. A nice Swedish couple who don't have any problems and are very attractive. The woman is pregnant with 2nd child. I do want babysitting work - I need the money - but I wish I wasn't going to meet them the morning after I'd just had a minor breakdown. Oh well. Guess that's what make-up's for, right?

Plan for today: 1600 calories.