So it's been a couple of days, a lot's been going on. On Monday night I went to stay the night at my friend Tina's. We had a great time, but I pretty much binged, not going to even try to cover that one up. Comforting Tina seemed to equal buying 2 large pizzas and a big bag of crisps, and proceeding to devour them in front of a chick flick. I had over 2,000 calories that day and it didn't feel good at all. Amazingly, I didn't feel as if I'd gained much weight the next day judging from how flat my stomach looked, but it still made me uneasy that I couldn't weigh myself that morning, and I started making all these panic-y plans to do a juice fast, or a raw food diet, or God forbid start restricting again - just something to wipe out the binge. Luckily I convinced myself that the best and healthiest thing for me, physically and mentally, was to just get back into normal routine. That's what I did.

Then I went straight from her house to meet my sister, and we went back to my dad's. We ended up staying up late again and I ate some Easter eggs and half of this caramelised onion and goats cheese tart with potato salad, which I regretted, especially because there was only about an hour between eating them and falling asleep. The next morning (Wednesday) I came home, only to briefly unpack my stuff, have a piece of toast, get changed and whisk back out of the house to the station. Went to go and meet my other friends in Central, and we lazed around all afternoon and evening in the park until it got properly dark and cold. It stayed light for ages though.

And so, here I am, at home finally. And actually knuckling down to some work. I've been in such a bad headspace about it, especially with my mum being in her weird up and down moods so it's been hard to get stuff done or convince myself I deserve to do well this year. I weighed myself this morning, and I was 140.2 - a little depressing but it could be much worse than a mere 1 lb's weight gain, considering how much I have eaten over the last few days.

Next week my dad and his girlfriend are booking a holiday cottage near the sea, from Friday to the following Monday - so 4 days. He wants me and my sister to come down. I was reluctant for two reasons - one, the obvious weirdness of being on holiday with his girlfriend and how my mum might feel about that; but more importantly, my work. Also, my sister is reluctant because she's a party girl and is worried about missing out on things if she leaves London. I'm sort of coming round to the idea, mostly because there's no guarantee I will work even if I do stay here in London. But also because I think the sea air will do me some good. If my sister goes, I think I will definitely go, because I haven't been out of the city for a year.

But this does pose the obvious question of: should I go batshit with my diet over the next week and try to drop, say, 5 lbs by the time I go away? 

I'm going to continue with what I'm doing, which is basic calorie control, and decreasing cals by 100 for every lb I lose. After all, I don't want to get there, eat myself into a frenzy, and gain it all back. Maybe by some miracle of God I'll make 136 by then (please? please?) But I'm winging it.