So they said days 4-7 would be the worst... they weren't lying. The last 2 days have been HELL. Not only do I feel as if I have an inner ear infection but every time I swallow it's like knives stabbing down my throat. Last night was a really bad experience... I took 2 codeine and they really fucked with me, my insides. I had some sort of fucked reaction. In February I had something similar, the last time I was in hospital... it's these opioids that just don't agree with me unless I take them intravenously. Stabbing between the ribs, like the worst heartburn you've ever experienced, except you're doubled over in pain, gasping for breath. Oh and screaming - that one was fun, with the back of my mouth being the way it is. I thought I was going to dislodge the scabs from the screaming and crying alone. So my mother called an ambulance and I was strapped in with the bright lights whirling all around me... by the time they'd rushed me through A&E and put me on a monitor I was doing a lot better, and the pain had subsided considerably. They gave me another painkiller, one that wasn't morphine-based, examined me, let me wait it out. Urgh. Then the truly awful part. They discharged me and as I was getting up to leave I felt this absolute nausea wash all over me. Like that clammy and hot and disgusting feeling you get before you're about to pass out, or throw up. And I started wailing because I was so terrified I'd throw up... that's got to be the worst thing, being sick after a tonsillectomy, and you want to avoid it at all costs. They gave me an anti-sickness but it didn't even work... and then in the taxi on the way home I was dry heaving and retching and it was just the most appalling pain. I didn't even throw up, thank God... but it was terrible, the whole thing, and I practically passed out in bed when I got there. This morning I'm still in agony with my ears and throat and stuff, but this I can deal with, in comparison to last night... Jesus.
I've managed to eat a hoi sin duck wrap, a banana, some frozen yogurt, and half a jelly. I'm down to 144.2 lbs. So I guess I have lost about 5 lbs since surgery. That's pretty cool. Although I'm nowhere near where I want to be at this stage. Really this is just me getting myself back on track, and not being able to swallow without being in an island of pain is merely helping me get there. Also, I've decided to amend my goal weight. Last night it struck me that I really gotta take care of myself next year. And while 112 lbs seems awfully enticing, it probably won't improve the health situation... so I've changed it to a range that will give me a little more leeway. Basically I want to be under 120 lbs. Even if it's 119.8 I'll be happy.
I am desperately hoping I'll be out of the woods by Tuesday (day 8 post-op, I believe) which is when the really bad pain I'm feeling now should start to dissipate, and the risk of bleeding etc. reduces dramatically. That's 3 more days... I can make that, right? I'll just keep sleeping and reading and drinking water and taking my pills and eating little bits at a time - it'll be okay. I hope.
My dad visited me today! I was so happy to see him although it was totally weird having him in our house. Oh and I've turned into a mute... I can only whisper and sign things which is doing wonders for my introspection. People talk in too many words, we really don't need many at all to convey what we need to say. Ironic, seeing as my posts ramble on to infinity and beyond, but anyway... we talked about Amsterdam. I can go there on the 28th because I'm not allowed to fly before then. That's like 10 days. I can get back to 135 by then, totally. I'm losing a steady pound a day now and I presume it'll continue like this for a while, as I can't exactly binge on what my mother brings to me on a tray in bed. Then maybe in Amsterdam I'll plummet myself into the 120s or something marvellous like that. I can only imagine the feeling of pride I'll carry walking back into school on the 5th in a brand-new 128 lb body. A massive 'fuck you' to Rebecca, if I ever see her, that is. Christ.
That sounds so scary! I'm glad you're better now though, I can't imagine what that must be like! I'm hoping I can lose like you after my surgery but knowing my luck I'll gain through water retention or something.
ReplyDeleteYou can make it through the next 3 days easy, you've done most of it already. And I'm sure you'll be thinner for Amsterdam. I hope your recovery is better than last night and that it's plain sailing from now :) xx
That sounds so painful. My sister's having her tonsils removed in a few months, she doesn't do well with pain, I might have to avoid the house for days afterwards.
ReplyDeleteI really hope you feel better soon. Amsterdam will be amazing, I'm so excited for you.
Take care and drink loads of water, hopefully then you'll recover soon, I hate to think of you in pain.
That sucks. I can't wait until you are all better. My sister had her tonsils taken out but she was like 4 years old of whatever. Well we really. I remember she wouldn't speak to me for a while and I was really upset about it. Hey I was a kid and loved my sister.
ReplyDeleteOh, man, 119 has always been my goal weight. It's probably massively unrealistic for me, with everything that's going on in my body now, but I hope you can get there! That would make me as happy as if I were to make it.
ReplyDeleteLove,
<3.