Morphine

So I'm alive bitches :) Had the tonsils out Monday afternoon and it's currently a little past Tuesday midnight (technically Wednesday morning). I'm doing okay. The day of my operation wasn't too painful because they gave me a shitload of morphine and the anaesthesia made it all kind of a fun experience. However today (Tuesday) I was back home in the afternoon and I've sort of been in pain all day long. They couldn't give me any more morphine as I was being discharged and so they gave me codeine instead... helped a little, but it's not as strong as the other stuff so the back of my throat is currently like a battlefield. I haven't lost an ounce of weight, in fact I stepped on the scales and I was up to 149 lbs (cry) probably because I've been doing absolutely nothing all day, and have eaten rather a lot to get my medication down/clear my throat of all the nasty shit that's going on back there. Plus I was sort of pressured into eating a big breakfast and lunch at hospital by my ENT... he said the more normally I eat in the early stages, the quicker I'll recover and the less chance I'll bleed - which is literally my worst nightmare. So I was too weak to argue and have eaten bread, hoummous, soup, jelly, a smoothie, salad, pasta and cooked vegetables. Oh and Lucozade. Lots of flat Lucozade. Calories calories calories.

I'm thinking of cutting down tomorrow. Now I've got it all sussed out I think I can afford to do a little restricting... I do not like being up here, so worryingly close to the 150 lb mark. Gah. Not to mention barely anything is coming out of me due to the strong antibiotics I'm on... so there we go. My arms look kind of nice and muscular though. Which is weird because I don't exercise nearly enough and I've been eating like a horse but hey, I'm not complaining. Tonage is rare and always well-appreciated.

Tina visited me last night and again today, which was lovely. She bought me one of those super cool zippo lighters (the old-fashioned kind) with an engraving on the back... then was like 'I can't wait till you can start smoking again'. Alfie came and crawled into bed with me a few hours after I got back which was sweet and comforting. I was so out of it but he said I looked ridiculously pretty for someone who had just had an operation. Then later Caro came and brought me a little bracelet present from Greece. So yes I love my friends very much. And my sister, who came and fed me pasta and roasted vegetables in bed this evening, even though she'd just got back from an all-night underage rave outside of London and was utterly wrecked.

Oh and more news. Not particularly happy news. But Caro has been keeping up with Charlie (you know, my best friend who's been ignoring me for 2.5 weeks). And apparently the reasons she hasn't been in touch with me are the following:

1) Because she wants to eschew everything to do with Alfie, and Alfie has apparently somehow 'brainwashed me', or some bollocks, and as I'm associating with him she doesn't want to be around me
2) Her batshit crazy mother is filling her head with all these screwy ideas about me, something about how I have 'very intense relationships' with people and it always ends badly, and trying to make out like I'm this bad influence friend Charlie needs to 'move on from'. Ugh

So that really upset me but I hid how much it upset me, obviously, as it didn't feature largely in our conversation and I didn't want to start crying with the sore throat because I tried that yesterday and it hurt like a bitch. Oh and apparently she's an exercise freak now, has a 14% body fat percentage and a 23 inch waist and does yoga/drinks coconut water all day long. All this makes me feel like shit and if I wasn't such a rational person I'd seriously consider deleting her off Facebook, because all her pseudo-health freak updates are really beginning to grate. The thing that hurts the most is I helped her find fucking therapy numbers when I wasn't well myself, and now I'm recovering from an operation she can't even send me a 'get well soon' message. Some best friend.

Ugh anyway enough of that. Aims for the next week: Drink more smoothies. Dream of Amsterdam. Get better.