Happy Hallowe'en

Eating more is weird. My metabolism is properly catching up now. Yesterday I stuffed my face with 2100 calories and this morning I lost .6 of a lb. I'm aiming to staircase downwards to 1000 in order to lose weight, dropping 100 calories a day. So today was 1900, tomorrow I'll aim for 1800, etc etc. I did this when I was 15, it's how I got down to 124 lbs. Things were simple back then. I never fasted, I never abused laxatives, I never even considered going below 1000 calories a day. It wasn't an option; I had a sit down family supper every night, and school all day long, so it would be cafeteria lunches, apples and cereal bars for break and a proper breakfast. There wasn't all this yo-yoing going on, no eating 500 calories one day and 3000 the next. It was safe and controlled and I managed to whittle myself down to below 9 stone, something I wish to do again before next summer.

The trick was that once I made it to 1000 calories, I'd staircase upwards, building my metabolism back up and maintaining the weight I'd lost from the first phase of dropping. It sounds confusing but if you just imagine it like going up and down a set of stairs it makes it easier to visualise. So that's what I'm doing. 145.0 lbs this morning and I'll probably be 144 tomorrow as I kept just under 1900 today.

Wow... numbers numbers numbers. All very calming controlled and tidy. It's been taking my mind off the shit, anyway. Found out another fantastic snippet of information today from my friend Zara. That in fact Alfie and this other girl were doing things in secret all summer. So essentially I was being two-timed (well, three-timed, if you factor in what happened with Bash). God I love this guy, I just grow more and more fond of him with every thing I hear. I have this theory that he's a compulsive liar, a narcissist and a control freak who needs to micro manage everything and keep people like secrets in order to feel some sense of power. I'm probably right. Anyway he needs to get his shit straight before I can even consider resuming a friendship with him again. All relationships should be open and honest, and the amount of lies and drama that have come out of knowing him is just unreal. I lost my best female friend over him, I pretty much spent my entire summer with him and magically he leaves out this HUGE chunk of information that he's sleeping with this girl that I half-know on the side. If it was just sex between them maybe I wouldn't be so miserable but the fact that he says he loves her makes it an entirely different story.

But anyhow, moving on from the labyrinth of petty teenage dramatics that is currently my life, it's Halloween tomorrow and I'm going up to Tina's uni to celebrate. Student union spooky bash, yes please. I'm going as Wednesday Addams and I'm gonna look freaking hot so some nice boy can fall in love with me and take my mind off Alfie. Sounds like a plan.

I will keep you lovely girls posted on everything that happens with the Alfie situation, and food. For now it's all about keeping myself well and on top, so I'll be sticking with the higher calories for a bit, but hopefully it will turn out the way I want and I will get out of this stupid weight range asap. Hope you are all well x