For the record

I am not on my period. I just have an eating disorder which renders me incapable of controlling myself in the kitchen sometimes. And another note, that food was all in the space of 45 minutes, hence why I felt so utterly ill afterwards.

This morning I am back up to 137.4. Which is repulsive, but I deserved it, after last night's feeding frenzy. At least it is all food weight, which will be gone by tomorrow if I fast today. 

I haven't fasted since last October (?) so it's not something I am particularly looking forward to, or something I will carry on with past today. I just need one, pure, clean day to get it all out of my system. I'm going to be chugging water and that's it. Until I have to leave in the evening to go and meet my dad and sister... we were meant to be going to dinner before the film, but I might just say I'm running late so I don't have to eat anything. If this is inescapable I will eat something tiny and healthy that won't hurt me.

As you have probably deduced, I'm not very happy this morning. I called Tina to sort me out last night because I was crying so much I thought my lungs were giving out. This morning, my face is a total mess and I'm still bloated. And I have managed to undo a week's worth of progress in the space of one night. So no, I'm not very happy.

Tomorrow when I've got all of this shit out of me I'll come up with a new plan for next week.