Onwards and (down)wards...

I feel a little better this morning, despite all that happened yesterday. Calm, like this relief had washed over me, like things might actually be alright. 

This morning I woke up early after a good night's sleep. I looked through my blinds at 9am, and smiled at how beautiful the sky was - blue and cloudy, but definitely blue. I weighed - 146.0 lbs, even though I binged yesterday. Brushed my teeth, had a bath. Got dressed into simple clothes and put on neutral, plain make-up. I felt okay. I felt satisfied. I felt whole. 

Went into Central London for a hair model casting. Looks like I might get it - it's unpaid, but the images from the final shoot will be printed in a few high-end fashion magazines, which is exciting. I felt far too fat to even be considered by them, which is why I'm going to work extra hard over the next few weeks to get my weight down to a reasonable number. February will be a month of getting skinny. It's a promise I'm making to myself. 

I'm going to the gym in a bit - probably going to use the rowing machine this time to tone up my flabby arms. I've become addicted to the exercise bike. You can watch the music channel on a screen whilst you work out your legs, and it's the best thinspo. 

So far on today's food list: 
- Raspberry soy yogurt 
- 9 bar 
- Innocent smoothie 
- 3 rice cakes with spread
- Soy cappuccino 
- Diet coke 

All I'm planning to have for the rest of the day is a banana, and maybe an americano if I can scrabble together the change. Being poor is so much fun. 
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EDIT: 
The rest of today went well. I went to the gym for a short one, did 20 mins on the rowing machine and 10 mins on the bike and burnt 240 calories in total. Met Caro for an evening coffee which was nice, ended up consuming one large orange, a bag of crisps, and an americano with a dash of soy milk and sweetener. Shame about the crisps, but it's not as bad as it could have been (plus I went to the gym before, so I feel less guilty about eating). It's 8.30 now and I'm thinking of getting another early night. Going to chill out, read some magazines, and cuddle my cats in bed - perfect evening :)