I had a major breakdown last night. I knew in my head that things just aren't how they're supposed to be at the moment. Not right, somehow. This year was supposed to be full of learning curves, explorations, creative revival, and inspiration. Instead, it is turning out to be depressing, creatively dampening, mind-narrowing and soul-sapping. I have ten months ahead of me that should really be full of exhilarating new prospects - things I look forward to, not things I am dreading. I need to fill the next few months with great opportunities and new adventures, not a boring A-level that I can take at any time in the future if not having it holds me back. By the time I go to university, I want to be full of stories to tell of the places I've been to that have enriched my life and given me plenty of ideas to use in my work.
I might consider going abroad for a month to Italy, and there's a writing course in the countryside towards the end of the month that I am hoping to be accepted onto, with a financial grant to help me out. There are a lot of things I want to do that go beyond the daily circuit I have going on here, and I feel these things shouldn't be out of my grasp. The world should be my oyster and I should be revelling in it, not shying away from it.
But it has to start with my health, both mental and physical. I have bronchitis (no doubt it's due to all the stress-smoking I've been doing recently) and my skin has become a nebula of spots that don't heal and don't seem to want to go away any time soon. Mentally I'm feeling ready to collapse at any second, or give up on trying to move forward altogether. I explained all of my concerns to the GP this morning at the surgery, and she's given me a course of Lymecycline to clear up the bout of acne, and put me on a new antidepressant, Fluoxetine (aka Prozac). We both agreed the Citalopram isn't working for me, and I need all the help I can get at the moment, so Prozac it is. I've been given a month's course, and I'll check in with her at the end of that month to let her know how it's going.
Wow, it sounds like you've got some grand plans for the year ahead. Italy sounds like a wonderful idea - you're right, the world is your oyster and you should embrace it.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the fluoxetine, and with quitting smoking. I've never tried to quit, but I really admire your strength to be able to try.
xxBella
Certainly being depressed doesn't help, hopefully this new stuff will help.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly recommend going to Italy. DO IT! (I'm half Italian and lived there until I was 15, I know what I'm talking about). If you need any advice with language/set phrases/places to go see give me a shout. Italy is amazing and I miss it so much.
One thing I'd say about your diet is, well at least it's healthy! That's half the battle! You know how hard it is to switch from junk to healthy low cal straight away, you're half-way there!! I must check out your two links, I enjoy reading vegan stuff (though I wouldn't go vegan. Personal choice) but I see the health benefits and incorporating more of it in my diet would be good.
Love,
S. Xxxx
I was just hearing about Alica book. I didn't know anything about it until I looked her up on wikipedia at random. You are right she looks awesome.
ReplyDeleteI know she has been doing it for a while and wrote a nice book to help people and I thank her so much for that. Most people say it is the best vegetarian book for starters or even people that are curious. I think I may look into getting it myself.
Saw my vegan buddy tonight and he is still going strong :-)
you have some awesome plans for the year ahead; i hope they work out for you! i'm definitely going to have a look at alicia's book now :) stay strong, xo.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like your head is in the right place. Good luck xx
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