Resolutions

I want 2013 to be a different year for my life, and also the way I document it in this blog. I had a lot of thinking time, a lot of time to reassess and consider over the winter break. I have realised that there are a lot of things, both small things and big things, that I want - need - to change about myself. I am going to try to be a good person in 2013. The best person I can be. Mature, sensible, considerate, generous, and responsible. The next ten months are going to be tough, I know they are, due to family reasons I'd rather not go into at the moment that concern my father's whereabouts, and both my sister's and my mother's mental health. So this year it's going to be all about being happy, healthy, finding some kind of sense of inner peace in this messy, out-of-control thing that is currently my life. It's not going to be easy to stay positive all the time, but I'll do anything I can to keep myself afloat. 

Let's start with the things I don't want to happen this year, and I feel like I have control over a good solid few of them:

1. A bad eating disorder/depression relapse 
2. A physical illness relapse 
3. Reaching October without having saved any money for uni
4. Flunking university when I do finally arrive
5. Gaining any more weight than I already have
6. Members of my family becoming more unhappy than they already are
7. Quitting the A level I am now determined to finish
8. Receiving a terrible grade in said A Level
9. Losing any more friends

Here are a few of the things I would like to happen this year.

1. Write more, walk more, create more, absorb more, learn more.
2. 'Doing', and not just thinking
3. A part time job
4. Seeing my little half sister more than I do now
5. My sister getting better
6. Giving up smoking at some point - or at least cutting down 
7. Becoming more independent
8. Learning how to let go of negativity and negative people more easily
9. Surrounding myself with creativity, nourishment, and good company, rather than lies, drama and poisonous people
10. Reaching 130 lbs by the time I leave home at the end of the summer

I am trying to make positive changes already, which makes me proud. I made the decision to go vegan in the new year, and after a week of eating no animal products, I'm without a doubt sure that this will be something excellent for my health, and state of mind. I read a ton of books and saw lots of documentaries over Christmas regarding animal rights, environmental issues, and the benefits of going vegan beyond how it affects your own personal wellbeing. I actually got so into it I was considering making a separate blog alongside this one, but while that's an exciting concept, I already have enough on my plate as it is, and I don't want to go all vegan over-kill on any of you. 

I'm joining a gym this month and picking it up as soon as I can. Exercise isn't something that comes particularly naturally to me and I don't enjoy doing it, but it's for that reason I know I must begin factoring it into my life. The pros (metabolism boosting, good for the bones and heart, excellent for your skin, aids weight loss, builds muscle tone, releases endorphins and makes you feel generally better and more energised, and of course discipline) outweigh the cons (mild discomfort for an hour 3-5 times a week, and me being lazy - which I am trying to stop doing). I'm also getting into yoga properly (I bought a great book from Barnes & Noble in NYC, I'll give you the title and author at some point. It has illustrations and I appreciate that because I can't deal with reading pages upon pages of rambling waffly rubbish about spiritual enlightenment.) So positive changes are happening. Next it will be getting this work done, and earning some money, but one step at a time.

This isn't a very interesting post, but I hope it outlines how I plan to move forward this year. I really do want things to be different from last year, because last year was dreadful in so many ways - getting sick, being in hospital, losing two of my closest friends, having to take time out in a gap year to recover and complete my art, my dad moving abroad, and everything in between. But I have faith that this year will be different. It might not be worse or better but I want it to be a distinguished year in which I thrive and get things done, rather than laying around feeling sorry for myself and pitying the bad circumstances in which I so frequently find myself.

I truly hope all my readers are well, and not suffering the winter too much, nor the post-xmas-hype come-down. Here's to 2013. May it be a year rich with promise, patience, pertinacity and poise, full of luck, love, and luminosity.