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Thursday, 12 April 2012

Binge.

The first one in... ages. Excluding Easter weekend, which wasn't really bingeing, so much as overeating.

Crackers, cheese, salami, hoummous, juice, yoghurt, peanuts.

What the fuck? Why do I do this to myself. I didn't even WANT it for Christ's sake. And it's not like I can compensate with laxatives, or fasting, like I used to, because then I am breaking the promises I have made to my therapists and myself. 

Well, I can forget about being 'ahead of schedule' or whatever. Because clearly I'm now going to be a pound - or more - behind schedule. Clearly, I WANT to mess up, big-time.

I MUST finish my literature essay tonight, because then at least I will have achieved SOMETHING with my day.

I am so angry at myself right now. Why do I even bother?

4 comments:

  1. It happens to us all sweetheart. Sorry that you have struggled today. I always binge if I feel out of control in some other area - maybe your Lit. essay is stressing you - but don't worry it's not going to last forever! Drink lots of water and don't overcompensate tomorrow. It's so good you have kept your promises to your therapist :)

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  2. No you did not WANT it, it just happened. It happens to me also can understand what you are going through... All I can say is let tomorrow be a NEW day and do not let yesterdays binging bring you down. XOXO

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  3. I feel so bad for you :( I totally now what your going through right now.. Its sucks :( Good luck with your schoolwork!
    Love you! Anna

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