Decisions

I hate how the culmination of a lot of very extreme feelings always ends in a binge, or a meltdown. I came to a decision about my exams today. One that permits me far less trauma but requires another year in London. I will have to finalise this decision with the school, but once it has been sorted, I will divulge to you the details, and I will be able to come to terms with everything and move forward. So far, I have been completely in the lurch with all my work, not knowing which exams I'm going to take, and refusing to allow myself to even consider the probability that I wouldn't get in this year. But, if I feel like it's in my control and I'm not going this year because *I* say so, I will begin to come to terms with it, and stop feeling as if something has been taken away from me.

Everything was going well until about half an hour ago, when I decided to eat a load of chocolate, nuts, and cheese. Ugh.

It's on. To be quite frank, I like my blemishes and quirks at the moment. I like that I don't have a perfectly symmetrical face, and no tits. I give up trying to hide who I am. I see my weight as holding me back. When I'm unhappy with my weight I have to compensate with all these things, like make-up, and specifically flattering clothes.