Breakfast, ½ hot chocolate, royal gala apple- 105 cal
Lunch, 2 big bowls of salad with full fat mayo- 350 cal :/
Snack, Menthol cigarettes, diet coke, ‘Slim Fruits’- 50 cal
Dinner, 1/2 cup of macaroni cheese and peas- 100 cal
Total=605 cal
Food for today ^. I'm back on the restricting train and it feels good. I think the bingeing is finally coming to an end. For now. Spent 3 hours in the passport office today and it was such a bore... they didn't accept my original photos so I had to go back round the whole circuit in order to transfer the new ones through D: Today I'm spending the afternoon and evening in with my mum and sister. They're downstairs eating macaroni cheese... well, my sister is, at least. My mum kept asking and asking me if I wanted any despite me consistently saying I wasn't hungry, so I gave in and ate some. Then my sister started barking at me saying I'd 'taken all of the crispy bit' which was blatantly untrue as I only took about 2 spoonfuls.... needless to say it totally put me off having any more. She was really over the top about it and made me feel disgusting and fat about the fact I'd caved and eaten something. No wonder I have food issues. Every time I eat in front of my family they either harass me for not eating anything, tell me I've eaten too much and berate me for taking seconds before others have finished, or, in the worst of cases, all of the above. They've done this since I was a child and subsequently I have learned to associate eating in front of family with caution, anxiety, and guilt.
141.6 this morning, and hoping for 140 tomorrow. There really isn't much to say. Life is stagnant until I go to the states, which should be some time next week. Not knowing when, is making me anxious. I hope to be back in the 130s by then, whenever it is.
Something else, I actually took some Sudafed about 20 minutes ago because I felt upset and antsy after the mac and cheese event, and it made me feel *really* weird. Like, bad weird, not good weird. My heart started pounding and my palms started sweating like I was having a panic attack. Then I looked in the mirror and my whole body felt like it was growing really warm, and numb. It subsided as quickly as it came on but it was scary. Anyway, I guess the good thing is, after 20 minutes I have basically no desire to eat anything else and I don't know whether it's a placebo effect, or whatever, but it's working like a charm.
glad to hear you're doing well hun :) you're going to the states? how exciting!! hope you have an awesome time :D
ReplyDeleteis sudafed an appetite suppressant? i did not know that. definitely gonna have to check it out :) xxxx
I'm sorry that your family does that to you, I know whenever my sister says stuff like that to me I just feel awful but I'm glad to hear that you're doing well despite that :) What part of America are you going to?! I lived there when I was fourteen/fifteen! I'm sure you're going to have an awesome time :)
ReplyDeleteOh, man. Your family sounds like a barrel of laughs around mealtime. I'm so sorry that's been the theme throughout your life, and I wish (not for the first time) that I could hug you until you see stars.
ReplyDeleteBut your restricting today looks good, for what it's worth! Love you to pieces,
<3.
Are you fucking serious??? She was whining about crispy bits. God forbid if my family ever got that petty.
ReplyDeleteI dislike when you say no and they keep asking. It's like you feel obligated to say yes. I admire how you even said no the first time. Most of the time I just say yes because I know they will keep asking.
Your intake today was good. Much better than what mine as been lately.