It's been a crazy weekend

I got with Alfie. Multiple times. Not sex, but close. It is way intense. And I'm not even sure I can talk about it here right now as it's kind of overwhelming to think about, but I will tell you all the details soon. He's probably going to break up with Charlie this week but even so, it's not like we'd be able to be open about any of it. So it's on the D-L for the time being and for now, we're just going to be chill about it and see where it takes us...

Meanwhile, my sister moved in on Sunday and it's feeling very strange. I entered a photography competition and I need to start looking for a proper part-time job, rather than the sporadic babysitting that only pays about £30 quid every fortnight. I wish I could get booked for some modelling, and I probably would be able to with the people I know, if only I had the suitable look - around 20 lbs lighter, that is. Which leads me onto food. I've been eating without any proper schedule, and I'd like to say it's been 'intuitive eating' as it hasn't been based on sticking to calories... but that would be a lie, seeing as I eat at all kinds of strange times, like 3 o'clock in the morning, which just feels disgusting. Today was actually the first day I didn't see any of my friends, and stuck to a good schedule. I slept until 2pm after a late night with the friendos at a Mexican restaurant (free sombreros and tequila shots for the win), then took my sister into school so she could drop off her art book. I only had a soy frappuccino to keep me going until about 4, when we came home and had some orange juice, crisps, and hoummous pita breads. Then we watched TV, talked, went out again for a smoke, came home, had some mac and cheese for dinner and a few pick & mix she bought, and that was pretty much my day... not great, but not terrible either. I stopped eating by 7pm and excuse the tmi, but based on the number of times I've been to the bathroom today, I think my body is just trying to get rid of all the built-up junk I have in my system. Flat stomach, finally, but I know my weight is still high - 142, or thereabouts, which is pretty depressing. But the good news is I don't look any different. At least I don't think I do, but mirrors can be really deceiving... either way, I'm still getting compliments on my figure so I think it must be mostly food weight.

Another good thing is that while my 15 year old sister is a natural twig and can eat anything she wants, 'anything she wants' generally turns out to be not that much, and she can go for hours without getting hungry... so being around her is more a blessing than a curse. I was kind of worried that I'd be chowing down food all day long with her living here, but to be fair we both smoke more than we eat so it works out. I need to cut back big time starting tomorrow though, because we leave for America on something like the 17th July, and that only gives me 2 weeks to get comfortably back in the (preferably low) 130s. Eeek. I think it'll be fine if I keep calories under 1000, stick to light drinks and stay the fuck away from the cheesecake in Bash's fridge.